


Alone.

by orphan_account



Series: This Misery Changes Every Memory, This Happiness Taints My Darkest Days With Glory. [1]
Category: 8 Out of 10 Cats RPF
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’ll be alone again sometime, and that’s when you’re left completely to your own devices, and that scares you as much as it excites you but you know that the thought of you being alone scares Jimmy half to death because he worries that he’ll return to you one day and find nothing but a corpse waiting for him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been reading articles about how when David is alone he thinks very intense self destructive thoughts... and how he thinks that that's what everyone else does too, because isn't it? :/

Jimmy tries not to leave you on your own too often. You can see it, if he has to go away, and he always has to go away, he’ll set up drink or lunch dates with one of your friends and he’ll call every few hours, just to make sure you’re breathing, to make sure you haven’t self destructed. And you have, so many times but he doesn’t know that, can’t know that.

He can’t know about all the nights you spent passed out on the floor from drinking too much or from swallowing too many pills. He can’t know about all the white towels that suddenly become red and the razor blade that hides under the back case of your phone. He can’t know about all the burn marks that dot your skin and always heal and fade slightly before Jimmy sees you again. He can’t know about all the nights spent awake in the dark, imagining sleeping and never waking up, imagining falling and hitting the ground hard, imagining swinging by your tie and never breathing again, imagining taking a few too many pills and falling asleep in the bath. He can’t know about all the nights you’ve dreamed about what would happen if you were no longer in the picture. He can’t know. 

But he tries to keep you from being alone, you love him for it, but you hate him too because when you’re alone… when you’re alone there’s no one around to stop you and really, you don’t want anyone to be around to stop you because then you’d have to answer their stupid questions and put up with their prying eyes and you’d never get an ounce of freedom ever again. So you hate him and you love him but he doesn’t know that, you can’t tell him that, that would break him, and you’re already broken, he doesn’t need to be broken too. So you let him set things up for you before he goes away and you try, you do, to put up with the intrusions on your life, on your alone time, but you can’t help feel just a little bit cheated, but what are you going to do?

You’ll be alone again sometime, and that’s when you’re left completely to your own devices, and that scares you as much as it excites you but you know that the thought of you being alone scares Jimmy half to death because he worries that he’ll return to you one day and find nothing but a corpse waiting for him, so you try, with all your might, not to go too far, not to accidentally drink far too much, or swallow far too many, or cut far too deep or the wrong way or to burn for far too long. You try, you do, but you think that one day, you just won’t be able to stop yourself anymore, and maybe that’s what makes you hate yourself even more, the fact that you can’t stop yourself even though you know one day you’ll end up dead if you don’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own.  
> :)


End file.
